Down With The Abomination!!!

Beth, Joe, Pastor Tim, this one is for you...

There is an evil in the world. An evil that has a grip on our society, and indeed has propagated around the world. Christians, yes even Christians, have fallen to its wicked influence. This post is my valiant attempt at correcting my errant brothers and sisters.

What is this abomination? None other than...Coca-Cola or Coke.

Now before you harden your hearts as in the days of the provocation, hear me out. First off, every one knows: "Coke is sweeter, Pepsi is better". Any discerning tongue will have to agree that Pepsi truly is "the taste of a new generation". On these grounds alone, it is time for repentance, dear Coke drinker.

If the "taste" argument doesn't cause you to repent on the spot (I believe it should), there is more. Consider the history of each drink. Coca-cola was put on the market as a brain tonic which contained habit forming drugs like cocaine; which is where the name "Coke" came from. Pepsi, on the other hand, was put on the market as a digestive; Pepsi was short for a digestive enzyme called "pepsin". Ah ha! which drink seems more righteous now wicked Coke-drinkers?

Finally, let us consider two other distinctions between Coke and Pepsi that I believe have spiritual implications. First, consider the colours of each product: Coke is red, like red hot, like the Lake of Fire maybe? Pepsi is blue, like the sky, like Heaven maybe? Second, to all you Calvinists out there, remember the number of grace is 5. Well, how many letters in C-o-k-e, and how many in P-e-p-s-i?

It is clear my friends, Pepsi is the best tasting, and most spiritual of colas. All you Coke drinkers out there, feel free to use the comment box to publicly confess your error.


Later!


(to all of you, out there who were not blessed with a sense of humour, this post was written tongue-in-cheek)